Saturday, 13 May 2017

About life choices, pleasure and work.

Ever since I have started my study abroad experience, I have been thinking more and more about my future and my job and what I want to do in life. Back in February I had this huge realization that I want to work in the women's rights field, especially women's right in the workplace. I am honestly surprised it took me so long to realize it, considering I am a law student and I am very passioned about women's rights; it's easy as making 2+2. But I've never been good at maths.

Last week I was in Paris and I guess the exposure to all the beauty and the art made me start questioning my life choices all over - why am I studying law, I should have studied history of art, I should just open an Etsy shop.

Right now I am working on a paper on paternity leave and why it's so important to strive towards equality in the home. And I this thought just popped into my mind - surely spending all my time studying beautiful paintings or sewing tiny stitches would be amazing, but how self-indulgent would it be? Would it concretely help someone else other than me? Bring anything else than fleeting pleasure, mostly to me? Would it help make a change in the world? I almost feel like indulging in art would be so typical of me. I will not deny that I am a selfish person. I always have been but I have been trying to correct myself. Sometimes I feel like selfishness is almost engrained in my DNA, and I will never get rid of it, but small steps - small steps.

Art, both the making of it and the studying of it, is one of the most important things in my life if not the most important. Art is like a blanket for me, I feel comfortable in it, it keeps me warm, it's a familiar place. Law is the opposite. Sometimes it feels big as the ocean, I can't see the land and I struggle to keep afloat. But from time to time, when I read a judgement that has nothing to envy to a poem, or stop to admire the perfect architecture of a code, I feel this burning feeling coming from within, somewhere between my stomach and my lungs. I think I should keep that fire going.

(This said - after working non-stop for two days on that paper, yesterday evening I hand-sewed about 30 quilt blocks in a hour and a half and it was amazing.)

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